Stupid Funny Addiction Stories | Recorded on the Lower East Side of Manhattan |
Dave and Chris get down remotely and chop it up about drugs and dumb shit: meth, 12-step hackneyed lingo, reviews, yada yada. Im really lazy and dont want to write this description because im on vacation. O yea, we play a really funny voice memo about getting saved by Vitamin Water.
Stephanie Wittels Wachs calls in and tells us about her brother's drug use and death. Harris Wittels was best known being a writer and the executive producer for the T.V. show Parks and Recreation. Stephanie recently wrote a book about her brother's life - Everything Is Horrible and Wonderful: A Tragicomic Memoir of Genius, Heroin, Love, and Loss. After Stephanie, we call Hippy-Hobo Andrew's mom who tells us about the last few days of his life, and what it has been like dealing with his loss.
Comedian Jessa Reed calls in and tells us all about her tweaker days. Stories include carrying a dead owl around for weeks and trying to breathe life into it via meth smoke, and drinking her own piss (repeatedly) because it had traces of methamphetamine. Jessa, a dopey hall-of-famer, also tells us how she finally got clean after a decade of pure debauchery. Check out Jessa's podcast, the Mormon and the Meth-Head. We play a voicememo from Korey about the time he shot a goofball and ran from the non-existant police for three hours straight and tore his MCL. Episode brought to you by the I Am Sober app, a great way to track your milestones in recovery.
Combat vet Rob leaves a voicemail about the time he got dope sick (diarrhea) while he was under fire by enemy troops. Chris theorizes what would happen if a clean drug addict got amnesia. Dave and Chris reminisce about the best bathrooms they got high in. Dave talks about wetting the bed in sobriety. Dave makes up his own Leonard Cohan song.
Chuck Negron of Three Dog Night calls in and talks about his using days and his recovery. He tells us about the time he had so much sex that his dick exploded, the time he stole Gregg Allman's watch to support his habit, buying 5000 Seconal, and the stroke of luck that helped him avoid the Wonderland murders. Chuck wraps up the episode with what it took to get clean after 37 rehabs, and an update with what he is doing with his life now. Check out his book, Three Dog Nightmare!
We play a voicememo from "IG" about buying drugs from a police officer. Dave talks about going to a waterpark; Chris wonders what it would be like for Dave to shoot cocaine before going down the "big slide." Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling from the Howard Stern Show calls in and gives us an update about his life. Jackie talks about his rise in show business, his time on the Stern Show, and his eventual decision to stop drinking. Jackie also shares stories about Rodney Dangerfield (he used to travel around with his own special eating bowl). Jackie concludes with a song for us and some information about his upcoming books.
We play a voice memo from Ryan about the time he smoked meth, got psychotic, and thought people were trying to kill him. He pleaded with strangers to protect him and ultimately ended up hiding in a closet with several knives. Ryan is 7 months clean now and doing well. Alex calls in and tells us about the last days of his using, which included a manic episode and an unwanted tattoo of the word "lucky" above his dick. Dave talks about getting into trouble at work.
Todd calls in from rehab! He owns up to using dope while recording Dopey several weeks ago, tells us about getting fired from his most recent job, talks about his horrible detox, and fills us in on how he's doing now. We call Omar and read him a negative comment about us trying to surpass the SHAIR podcast in reviews. We read several emails and reviews, one of which involves a young woman getting locked out of her hotel while naked and intoxicated.
Dave talks about smoking weed while pitching his defunct pilot to Comedy Central, IFC, Netflix, and AMC. We play a voice memo from Buddy Rob about the time he stole dope from his dealer, nodded out in a parking lot, and got fired from work on his first day. Maegan and Bobby from the Addictionary podcast showcase their charming Boston accents and tell some recovery/using stories. Maegan talks about visiting her dad in prison as a child and returning to speak at the same prison as an adult. Bobby talks a bit about his using days and the old-school Boston.
Chris has a glorious reunion with one of his former physicians, Dr. Drew Pinsky! Dr. Drew and Chris reminisce on Chris' treatment experience during the height of his addiction. Dr. Drew comments on the difficulty of treating addiction, the failings of the rehab industry, the opioid epidemic, and the spiritual vacuum in the United States. Dave asks Dr. Drew about Celebrity Rehab, specifically addressing some of the critical response. We talk about how trauma and attachment relate to substance use; Dr. Drew ponders Dave's own attachment style. Dave tells Dr. Drew his seizure story. Lastly, Dr. Drew shares about the direction his career is headed, and Dave asks him what his dream project would be.
Paul Gilmartin from the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast calls in and tells us about his depression, sobriety, and his former show Dinner and a Movie. Dave and Chris argue about whose God is better. Dave talks about getting offered drugs at work. Chris tells a story about a friend whose life was saved by her khaki shorts. Dave quizzes Chris on his stupidity. And Cormac is the Billy Preston of Dopey.
Dave and Chris play a great voice memo from Amanda who is struggling to clean. She talks about "wanting to want" to get clean. Dave and Chris delve into their own histories of drugs use, specifically addressing periods of ambivalence about stopping, and the ultimate turning points in the process. Dave and Chris also describe a recent interaction with Artie Lange.
Dave and Chris talk about buying drugs on Skid Row in LA... the closest thing to an open air drug market either of them witnessed in their using. Tim from Phily leaves a voice memo about running away from Teen Challenge (a rehab) with a woman and ending up in a very precarious situation. We read an email from John about extreme paranoia while on "Flakka."
Alana, aka whitelamborghinicountach aka hotgirlfuckedbylife, calls in again and tells us about the time she did drugs all night at Peter Gatien’s house. We sing “Bad Card” by Bob Marley, and answer questions posted on instagram. Our new Dopey interns, Melanie and Tim, call in and tell us a bit about themselves. We play a voice memo from Chris about blacking out on benzos.
Chris' friend, Laura, calls in and tells us about one of her last using days; she shot cocaine while driving and got into three accidents in a single day. Laura also tells us how she stays sober today. Dave's dad comes on the show for a bit and shares some of the darker moments from Dave's past. Chris talks about expressing his dog's anal glands. We play a voice memo about puking donuts while high. Lastly, we play a new song by Cormac, "Restless."
Dave's rehab friend from 15 years ago, Eddie, calls into the show and tells some dopey stories, including ruining a taxi while he was high. Eddie's dopey stories are accentuated by the fact that he is now sober 12 years and a doctor. We play a voice memo from Stephanie about the time she sprung someone from rehab and he overdosed shortly thereafter. Chris tells a story about getting drunk on the way to treatment, and then causing a scene when he arrived. We play a voice memo from someone who got high on the job and crashed the company truck.
Former MTV host and music personality, Matt Pinfield, calls into Dopey and tells us about his addiction addiction and recovery. We hear about the early days of MTV, hanging out with David Bowie, and Matt's gradual decline into alcoholism and cocaine addiction. Matt also tells us about doing cocaine with Marilyn Manson, getting cocaine for Oasis, and a mishap with hot dog. Check out his book, "All These Things That I've Done."
Dave's childhood friend, Jim, comes on the show and tells us a bit about Dave as a young man. Jim shares several tripping stories, which include getting punched in the face after trying to hold a stranger's baby, and pooping his pants (intentionally) while driving in a car with a bunch of strangers. Amanda Lauren also calls in and tells us about "Dryish January," doctor shopping as a young girl, and other details from her life. Amanda is a co-host of the show "Things We're Too Lazy to Blog About." Lastly, we close out with a new Dopey original song by Jon.
Todd comes on the show in person! He tells us about his former hippy days, including his big LSD bust that resulted in him being expelled from college. Amy Dresner, author of My Fair Junky, calls in and tells us about her book, her using days, and her recovery. Stories include shooting cocaine in her neck, developing epilepsy due to her drug use, and her ultimate decision to get clean (and how she did it). Amy will be back to throw down some more Dopey soon!
We read one of the best Dopey emails of all time about buying and selling fake heroin and cocaine. We talk about the obsession and compulsion to use. Chris does mock therapy with Dave. A voice over professional provides us with a new intro. Chris' childhood friend leaves a voice memo about a time he bought cocaine with Chris in the hood... and Chris managed to ruin the cocaine. We play a fat albert tribute to Dopey by Jon.
We play a voice memo from Karn in Ottawa about his long history of smoking weed and doing drugs despite his lungs collapsing over and over. Chris' girlfriend comes on the show and tells a story about the time she went psychotic from smoking weed. Dave explores the mormon faith and talks about why he "cares too much."
We reminisce about a recently deceased Dopey Nation member, Andrew. We read an email from Mandy, an ex-pharmacist who used to steal drugs, who is now clean and sober. Chris tells the story about the time he met Tim Robbins. We get interviewed by a blogger, Kali. And last, but certainly not least, ex-model Alana (@hotgirlfuckedbylife) calls in and shares a some of her story/sobriety. One of her stories includes gettings paid $300/hr to have sushi ate off her naked body on Wall street... and then accidently snorthing a huge amount of ketamine... and then running out into the street and passing out barefoot.
We play two voicememos about hiding drugs in the place that doesnt shine. The first story is from Tim in Philly; he tells us about how he used to put heroin and xanax up his butt everytime he left the house because he thought he would get arrested and get sick in jail. The second voicememo is from Jason in Ontario; he tells about the time he got pulled over and the drug dealer in the backseat hid Diluadin up his rectrum... they got away and Jason did the drugs (obviously). We debate harm reduction and medication assisted treatment philosophy. Dave tells us about Star Wars and why he is so tired. We talk about Artie Lange's arrest and the "sludge" in his lung.
Dave chastises Chris per usual. Dave and Chris talk about stealing medication from sick people and how addiction effects the family. A long time listener, Andrew, (who went to the same rehab as Dave and Chris) calls in and tells us about his relapse after treatment, which included taking copious amounts of RC benzos and blacking out for weeks. Andrew also tells us about homeless culture and the difference between being a hippy and being a hobo (he prefers "hobo," and hates being labelled as a hippy). Hotwheels calls in and gives us an update (and his phone number)!
Dave's friend from college, "Sloppy Jones," calls in and tells us about the first time he took mescaline as a kid... and then got called into work at Petco. He also tells us about how he got sober, and some of the things he lost to his addiction. We read an email from a person on meth who wrote it while his friend stole things from Walmart for dope. Chris talks about the obsession to use and building value to make a life worth living (instead of getting high). Dave plays the full version of the intro sonf, "Not Home."
Dave and Chris talk about selling posessions to buy heroin such as DVDs, CDs, and clothing. Randy calls in and gives us an update on his one year sobriety. We read an email from Alana (@hotgirlfuckedbylife) about the time she got in a drunken fight with her brother, shaved her head, terffied her family, and simultaneously catapulted her modeling career into success. Some other stuff too.
Libe Barer from the TV show Sneaky Pete tells us about the last time she did drugs. Chris talks about shooting a form of DMT and losing his mind. Chris talks about shooting heroin on mescaline. Dave talks about "Bunny." Dave and Chris share their experience with recovery and what it takes to be sober and happy. We play a voice memo from Artie Lange!
Dave tells us about his recent visit to the Hershey's factory and Amish country. Todd calls in again and gives us an update about his life and his use, including a recent visit from his parents who sprung a drug test on him. We play a voice memo from IV about the time he puked into an Arby's cup because there was a cop following him and had to drive around holding it. Chris tells a story about the time he puked into his shirt while he was driving because a cop was next to him. Dave and Chris explain what it was like to use. We read a great review that praises Dave's dad.
Dave and Chris call Brian, a recovering attorney, who tells us about when he used to smoke crack as a lawyer while he was working. Brian also shares about the time he got stabbed in lower Manhattan. We read an email from Eric about a recent relapse w/ shooting cocaine. We play a piece of a voice memo from Caleb where he vehemently defends Dopey. Chris shares a story from when he was a resident in a sober living and was the laughing stock of his job - "Cheapy Hammer." Dave tells some childhood stories.
We read an email from a Dopey Nation member's mom who recently passed away. We talk about drug testing. Chris tells a story about hiding urine in a rubber ducky and carrying it tied to his balls all day. Chris talks about trying to pass a drug test by diluting it with "Tide w/ Bleach Alternative" (it didnt work). Dave talks about putting black tar in Affrin bottles, and about getting sick in Austin while working at South by Southwest. We play a voice memo about Chiva from Christina. Jed from Church and Other Drugs calls in and gets dopey and talks recovery. Dave gets Chris to join him on a Tom Petty tribute.
Dave interviews Sam Cutler, the tour manager for the Rolling Stones and the Grateful Dead. Sam explores the current opioid crisis, what drug use was like during the 60s/70s, and tells stories about his time on tour with Jerry Garcia and Keith Richards. We read an email from someone in charge of inmate programming for a prison in Australia who wants to make Dopey availabe to the prisoners.
Hotwheels calls into the show mid craving. Dave's dad comes on again and critiques Dopey. Maegan, a doctoral student in clinical psychology, calls in and shares about her recovery and her use - including the time her friend overdosed on fentanyl and she rushed him to the hopsital.... only to have him come to right when when they were pulling in. We play a song called "Titty Meat" from beat master Jon.
Chris talks about scaring drug dealers, trying to hide shooting cocaine, and an abnormally fast heart rate. Dave shares about a recent encounter with his dad where he lost his temper. Dave's rehab friend from 15 years ago, Harold, calls in and talks about Dave back in the day. Also he tells us about the rehab he just got kicked out of. Dave plays a voice memo from a friend who had someone smoke crack in a car without asking. We read a review from a "normie." Stay Strong Dopey Nation
Dave and Chris speculate about relapse. Dave tells a story about squirting a childhood friend in the face with a water gun…. And then ponders the nature of people. Chris reads an old prank he played on someone in the treatment field. Chris talks about personality testing. We play several voice memos about things like PCP, Coffee Beans, MDMA, and a teenager getting secretly dosed by his dad.
Jason calls in and tells us about chemsex, specifically IV meth use, zoom rooms, and dating apps in the gay community. He goes on to talk about his recovery, including 12 step programs and evidence-based practices. We read an email from a Dopey Nation member who had to remove a decomposing body for work when he was high. The man had been dead for a month and "popped like a balloon" when he tried to move the body. Lastly, we play a voice memo from Josh about the time he got Narcaned when he overdosed.... if you are an active user (or know active users), go buy some Narcan.
Dave talks about when he was a crappy weed delivery man. Hotwheels calls in and tells us about how he broke his neck diving into a pond when he was drunk. His last words before becoming a quadriplegic were "Fuck Steve-O." Hotwheels goes on to tell us about his life after the injury, including his heroin/cocaine use and his attempts at recovery. Alex calls in again and updates us on his 5 years of sobriety. Chris gives some updates about school and his personal life. Dave criticizes Chris about his poor recollection of fairy tales.
We talk about what makes a good counselor after playing a voice memo from someone who works in the treatment field. Alexis Neiers (Pretty Wild) calls in and tells us about her life in active addiction and recovery. She talks about using heroin (and smuggling drugs in her vagina) while recording her reality show. One of her stories involved lighting another woman's hair on fire with a cigarette and a hit and run with her car. Alexis goes on to share what it took to get sober at a young age. She talks about her early involvement in AA and her eventual decision to distance herself from the program. Alexis also shares her thoughts on recovery, the blessings of sobriety, and her hopes and aspirations for the addiction treatment field.
Tracey Helton Mitchell (Hope after Heroin) calls in and tells us about her using days and recovery. Tracey shares about using the same syringe for a year, being the "abscess queen," having a 70 year old sugar daddy when she was in her twenties, and other hardcore tales. Now Tracey is almost 20 years sober, a great mother, an author, and a positive force in the treatment world. We play a voice memo from Samuel in Australia about the time he ate a bunch of opium in the airport, nearly shit himself, and passed out. Chris talks about Erowid. Dave described a recent encounter with a whale while swimming. Lastly, we close with Cormac's versoin of "Good so Bad"... his 7 year old son provided the backup vocals.
Chris tells a story about having sex in a baseball dugout. Dave tells the "phallic bong" story - about the time he was tripping and thought that all his friends were gay as they packed each other bong hits. We play a voice memo from Andrew in Canada about the time he took too much MDMA at a rave and thought everyone was gay... and that the letters LGBTQ were being flashed on the megascreen. We read an email from Brian, a long time FABULOUS gay listener, who critiques our gay lingo. Chris tells the story about the time he shot meth with a resident in a brain injury clinic... who then wanted to suck his dick.
Chris' friend from rehab in California calls in and talks about his last few days of using. It involved a car crash, a physical encounter with his wife, and consuming an entire bottle of Klonopin in hopes of killing himself.... all in bathrobe with no shoes on. Chris' friend is now in long term recovery and a well respected attorney. Dave's dad then returns to the show and critiques Dopey, although we learn that he checks the reviews more than we do. He also talks about how unfunny Dave was when he was high and how Chris misuses words. Lastly, Dave talks about the time he interviewed Senator John McCain while high.
Dave smashes Chris about relationships. Chris tries stand up... and Dave smashes him. Dave tells the story about recently meeting Artie Lange. Chris retells the story about trying to hide tripping on LSD from a girlfriend, but adds the dismal ending of the story. We read an email from someone who still "loves heroin" after 20 years of use... and claims that it saved his life. Dave plays "Nobody Home." We do shout outs... sorry if we missed you!
Justin, a member of the dopey nation who recently got his MBA and MSW, calls in and tells us a couple Phish stories from his using days. We play a voice memo from Bailey about the time he faked a toothache to get a pass from rehab to go buy drugs... and also about the time he shat his pants in the store.... and also about the time he threw up during sex. Dave and Chris talk about injection mechanics and when IVing goes wrong. Chris shares about buying drugs on the street - specifically about when he was a little kid and tried to buy ketamine and mushrooms in the hood --- they didnt have any.
Brandon Novak calls in and lives up to the hype. Perhaps one of the most dopey guests, Brandon tells many depraved stories at the intersection of sex and drugs. One such story includes the time he came home in a black out and accidently tried to sleep with his mom. Beyond his junky tales, Brandon shares about his amazing climb out of the hole... transmitting recovery openly and honestly from a place of total humility. A must listen. After Brandon, we play a voice memo from Christina about a rehab (detox) romance that ended poorly - with her shooting meth while in a sober living, a restraining order, and jail time.
We read a high octance email from Australia about the time James shot too much MDMA and went into a psychotic episode - when the police came he asked them to "fuck him in the arse," and his boyfriend had to let him "suck his dick so he wouldnt jump of the balacony." Dave tells the story about the time he seized on a lofted bed, fell off, and landed on a bong on the floor. Chris talks about how he confused gender fluidity with sexual fluidity and painted a bizarre picture to his female classmate. Lastly, and certainly not leastly, we call Daniel Herron from the "Released in Captivity" podcast. Daniel spent 10 years in prison, including some time in the same county jail as Chris. He talks about his new podcast and tells us some prison stories - including the time he preemptively gave his clothes to an inmate named "Psycho"... and ended up calling out all of the Southsiders when "Psycho" wouldnt return the clothes. Also we talk about the "no hands policy" in certain prisons - when you can only stab people and are not allowed to fight with your hands.
Chris shares about his recent meditation retreat. We play a voice memo from Woody about the time he blacked out and came to with two hookers in the back of a cab... he ended up losing his wallet and woke up in an alley. Chris shares about blacking out and waking up in a Chinese girl's room during college while her parents were walking down the hall to get her. Dave makes fun of Chris for needing everyone to like him, including the woman who made him a sausage burrito. Dave and Chris talk about the psychedelic amplification of tripping in a laundromat. We talk about Bill Cosby. Lastly, we read some messages from someone who "unsubscribed" from Dopey because we keep eating on the show.
Bob Forrest (Celebrity Rehab, Thelonious Monster) calls in again and talks about shooting cocaine and hiding in a tree with a famous musician because he was psychotic and thought the cops were coming. He also tells the story of his friend who cut a piece of his leg off to study under a microscope because there were "worms" in it (he was also shooting cocaine). Bob rips the medical community/pharmaceutical industry a new one because of the opioid epidemic, and he tells us about his new podcast "Dont Die." Dave plays "Sister Morphine." Chris talks about shooting vodka and crushed up psych meds. Chris ponders whether midgits have a difficult time shooting up because they have small hands. Chris talks about the Bufo Alvarius frog (DMT frog) and tells the story of a friend that smoked the frog after it died (it didnt do anything). We play an awesome "Theme Song Challenge" enrty from Kristinn F in Iceland. We read an email from someone who shot meth and took a really hot bath... and then had to go to the emergency room. Also a bunch of other stuff...
Dave talks about the history of the Grateful Dead... and we call John who used to work on the road crew for them from '83-'85. We read an email from Stephanie who took too much ecstasy and started licking ice statues at a party... and then rubbed a "Whopper" all over her face because she didn't know how to eat it. Chris talks about shooting heroin while tripping on mescaline (San Pedros). We call Nick Reiner again who tells the story of how he lost his virginity - to a Craigslist prostitute which he financed by stealing money from his parents.
Chris gets a sick satisfaction from reading old WhatsApp messages from Francesca, an Italian girl who used to live next door (he's going to hell for this). We call Brandon Novak (Jackass). We play a voice memo from Andrew from Philly about the time he blacked out on Xanax and woke up feeling like he was "hit by a bus," with no posessions except for a "Christian book." Andrew now has two years clean and is doing well. We read a reddit message from someone who used to smoke crack with his parents and accidently drank his dad's piss. And lastly, but no leastly, we play an awesome 'Theme Song Challenge' entry from Cormac!
Dave and Chris talk about the blessings of sobriety, Chris shares about dating sober, online dating, and communicating with the dopey nation, we play a voice memo from Milk ("fuck the haters"), and Chris plays a recording from a sober homeless man (Mike) from the Lower East Side. Lastly, we talk about "hooping the shooter" - which is too taboo to write about here.
Todd calls in and tells us about the time he overdosed on fentanyl in an aisle in CVS, Chris talks about puking in an aisle in CVS because he saw a bottle of Robitussin Maximum Strength Cough, Chris talks about getting caught shooting up in CVS, Dave talks about stealing cookies from CVS, and Dave talks about buying syringes from CVS. We read an email from Gabby in Australia about predators in AA/NA ("dicks flying at me from all angles"). We play a voice memo from long-time listener, Christina, who tells us quite the story about shooting meth and ketamine south of the equator.
